How to overcome employee demands

Demand for more money

Employee: Hello, boss. I have been here for two months now, and I feel it is time to talk about a raise.
Boss: Okay, how much will it take for you to live comfortably?
Employee: About $50,000 more per year.
Boss: Okay, would it help if I added three more weeks of vacation as well?
Employee: Oh, of course!
Boss: What about a company expense account and credit card?
Employee: Wow! Yes, I will take it.
Boss: What about a company car, a lease? How about a Corvette?
Employee: Wow! Are you kidding me?
Boss: Yes, but you started it and I just went along with it. Now get back to work!

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Demand for more vacation

Employee: Hello, boss. I have been here for a year now, and I feel instead of one week of vacation, I deserve two.
Boss: Okay. Can you explain to me why you feel you deserve an extra week?
Employee: Well, I have shown up on time every day and complete every task that has been set before me.
Boss: Okay, what if I gave you an all-expenses-paid trip to Cancun?
Employee: Oh, of course!
Boss: What about a pre-paid credit card to cover shopping and food?
Employee: Wow! Are you serious?
Boss: No, but I can give you a free trip to the unemployment line. Now get out of my office!

Demand for a team building exercise

Employee: I really think we need to do some team bonding. We need to hold a team building event.
Boss: How should we accomplish that?
Employee: Well, we could get the team together and do an escape room. How does that sound?
Boss: It sounds like you are the main reason why we need the team building exercise anyway!

IT demands

IT Tech: Boss, we really need to upgrade our software.
Boss: How much will it cost?
IT Tech: $700,000.
Boss: Do you know how many programmers it takes to change a light bulb?
IT Tech: None. That’s a hardware problem.
Boss: And that’s how many IT techs I am going to have if you don’t get out of my office.

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Demand for more flexibility in their schedule

Employee: Hello, boss. I was wondering, our schedules are hectic and seem to be wearing people down. What if we made our schedules more flexible?
Boss: Okay, what do you feel is a good solution?
Employee: Well, I figure, if we could work from home a few days a week, it would make us more productive.
Boss: Okay, how about you work from home permanently.
Employee: Wow! Really?
Boss: Yes. The only stipulation is that it will be unpaid. Sound like a deal?

I really hope these tips help you as a leader overcome the most common employee demands. Please share more demands, I would like to help you overcome other demands that you are seeing in the workplace.