Tip #1 Ask a question at the end of the meeting to make it last another 30 minutes. We all love meetings. Meetings seem to add the most value to life. A plus is the free donuts.
Tip #2 Always show up ten minutes late for your own meeting. This is the most respectable way to make an entrance. Everyone will love you for this.
Tip #3 If you have any gaps in your schedule, you must have a meeting. It is lonely when you are bored so why not ruin everyone else’s day? The only way possible to solve problems within the facility is to have a meeting, so know that you are a problem solver!
Tip #4 Find ways to stay motivated. Here is an example: When you get into the office in the morning, look at the clock right away and remind yourself that in one hour, you will only have seven hours left before you can go home. Repeat this every hour until you leave.
Tip #5 Corny Dad jokes are key to lighten up the office. For example:
Boss: “Hey are you any good with PowerPoint?”
Me: “Actually, I Excel at it!”
Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?”
Me: “Word.”
Tip #6 Be lazy. The Lazy Person in the office gets away with doing nothing all day long. The hard workers take it easy for one day and everyone gets on their case. Be the lazy person. It is a lot less stress and easy money.
Tip #7 Always give advice, especially when you know nothing about the subject. If you are a manager, this is even more important, since you probably think you know it all anyways. Allow your ego to take over and argue against the good and scold the bad, especially when it was not your idea or there is no way to take the credit. You can leave the meeting feeling proud of yourself and will help your need for self-fulfillment.
Tip #8 Take the credit for everything. This is one of the greatest tips for quick promotions and politics 101. Master this trick to win in your life. You can leave work with your head lifted knowing they all accomplished your dreams!
Tip #9 Make a great impression. When you work late, no one even realizes it, but walk in five minutes late and everyone notices. Blow their mind by coming in late and leaving early.
Tip #10 Never prepare for meetings. Just go in and wing it. This will test just how good you already think you are!
I hope these tips help you in your journey. SEE YOU AT THE TOP!
This story originally appeared in the June 2021 issue of Plant Services. Subscribe to Plant Services here.
About the Author: The Captain
Captain Unreliability is a satire of the state of the manufacturing industry in ’Merica today and is written by an industry professional known for using humor to get the point across. Stay tuned for more useless advice, and if you have topics you’d like to see covered or questions you’d like The Captain to weigh in on, contact The Captain directly at [email protected] or follow on Twitter @CUnreliability. Also, consider becoming Unreliable today by getting your Captain t-shirt at https://reliabilityx.com/product-category/gear.
